Contemplations Along The Way (Crimson Moonlight)

I can see all there is to see but I'm blind to my fate, to what may come. I think I'm awake but stealing upon me like the frost in the night I neither see nor notice the moment when it comes Light is what I look for. I want to be conscious, aware of what happens now and what happened then. You feel like a bewildered entomologist who now and then encounters true and original experiences, but many times discovers that it has all been false. Who lays down the rules? My knowledge points at the Self, so it isn't strange at all that you think you know and mistrust your experiences at the same time when later you get it in perspective and are able to investigate. But I must put the question: Is this true? To what degree are you and I affected by everything around? To get a clear picture of yourself you must of course have others who can bandy back your ideas to you, make contradictions and attack you from angles you didn't know existed. But I ask myself the question if there was none with any other opinions than yours would you say you could be awake then? You wouldn't see the whole world nor be aware of anything beside yourself, but that would naturally seem the total reality. This way of thought might veil over the truth and make you blind. You ask maybe where in the world you are and what you do, but to discuss the question with yourself might reveal which way you took and which you didn't choose. Best of all would be to find the keys to the treasury of wisdom, but would that make life better...? All your experiences of life tell you that each man wherever he is has his own worries to fight. The keys to the treasury of wisdom will never be found, because it would mean you would become totally enlighted, lonely and independent of everybody. So what would then be the meaning of life? When life is the one and only thing we own and once again the questions asked create more questions still. Maybe all the answers will come when we have left this earth and enter what is there beoynd. That will probably be experienced as different as we are different from one another and due to who and when it happens. But the answer to the questions must be waiting for you there, for if there are no answers how is it possible that we should puzzle over them here?