The Simple Plot Of Metal Gear Solid (Starbomb)

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Talking Video Games. We continue today in our series of 'Games with Simple Plots'. Guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games. I'm the chef from Burgertime. I make-a the burgers. Hello I'm Centipede. I just kinda move down the screen. Hey, I'm Snake from Metal Gear Solid. My game's got a pretty simple story. Snake I don't see your name on the list... Uh, my friend Cloud Strife told me to come on this show and talk about it- Oh God no. It was the distant future 2005 All I wanted to do was chill out and retire But genetically enhanced renegades named Fox Hound Stole a bunch of nukes and had shit on lock down Okay we're past our time limit Snake Colonel Campbell said I had to infiltrate Before they start a nuclear conflict What a bunch of jerks! You're a bag of dicks! I climbed through an air vent and saved two guys They shared top secrets and suddenly died Of two heart attacks right out of thin air Both within five minutes- Oh my God, I don't care! Then I met Meryl, a hot box of rocks And I fought a gunslinger named Ocelot But a cyborg ninja cut his hand away You know, normal shit that happens everyday Listen Snake, there must have been a mistake On this show you gotta get right to the point of your game Like the ship from Galaga Hi, I shoot stuff in space... And this car from Pole Position I'm a car! That's great! You know we've been through this before with your boy Cloud Strife And he talked too long, I contemplated ending my life So let's keep things nice and simple like that hero over there From the Atari game Adventure I'm literally just a yellow square! Who cares? I tried real hard to find a mech named Rex When the ninja came back in the mix like Chex It was Grey Fox then I fought Vulcan Raven A big motherfuckin' Alaskan Shaman I killed that guy but before he died He said Meryl liked me, I almost cried She's a little hottie pants, ooh meow! It would be so great if you died right now I killed Sniper Wolf who was absurdly hot And then murdered three guys in an evil robot 'Til liquid Snake and I were left alone He said I was his brother and a superior clone Then he died of a virus And thinking fast Meryl saved us I don't give a frog's fat ass! Then we stayed together 'til the seven year itch And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear, bitch! Listen Snake, I've taken all I can take Just because your game is simple doesn't mean that it's lame, Tell him kid from Paperboy, Yo, I deliver those papes! And the guy from Elevator Action Uhh, elevators. Okay! Dear God, why can't I just have a simple panel of guests Who can say their plots in 40 fuckin' minutes or less? Now just watch me Snake before you make me reach for a gun, I'll summarize your game and show you how this shit is really motherfucking done How it's motherfucking done! You sneak around and save the world. The End! My God, can I get a replacement guest with a simple plot please? Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hearts. No!