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The Groupie Routine (Zappa Frank)

I mean, really, really, I mean, you guys, What can I say, you guys are my favorite band You gotta tell me somethin', Are you here in Hollywood long? I mean, I just... No, I'm ah, we're recording here in town You're recording here? Yeah, at the Record Plant The Record Plant? Yeah Oh, Bobby Sherman records here I just love Bobby Sherman and David Cassidy Do you know David Cassidy? No, I... Have you ever run into any members of the Tree Dog Night? Joe Shermy once I... Oh! They are my favorite band! They're so professional, I mean... So creative... How 'bout David Crosby? I mean... He's so in, you know, I... No, I never... He's...he just knows... I mean, he almost cut his hair but he didn't No, listen, ah, do you know how... Do you know how to get to the Chateau Mormon from here? Not it by the, by the airport? No no, we don't, we have a bus on this particular thing Oh! Yeah Tell me one thing: do you like my new car? Oh yeah! It's a...Pavilion, isn't it? Oh, not just a Pavilion, it's a Pauley Pavilion Oh! Yeah, it's real futuristic, I like the little naked man turn signals So ah, we gotta get up, you know, And ah, go to the studio in the morning And then we groove court for about two weeks And then we ah, we leave again Oh, really? Where do you play when you go from here? Ah, let me see...Needles... Oh oh! You guys are so professional No, it's nothing... I mean the way you get to travel to all those exotic towns You get to playin' and playin' in all these great sounding halls Tell me somethin': do you really have a hitsingle in the charts now? Right now, I mean, with a bullet? That's really important Listen baby, would I lie to you Just to run my fingers through your pukes? Don't talk to me that way! I am not a groupie! I never said that... I'm not a groupie Neither are my friends here Jim and Ian and Aynsley and Don and Frank None of us are groupies Pleased to meet all you girls Hiya Howie... Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't...we aren't groupies Howard Yeah We only like musicians for friends That's right You, you know, you understand? We still wanna hear your record You know, we still like to come in your bus Listen now, on the other side of the record, Didn't you say that you got off bein' juked With a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn? And that your hair-lipped queen-o-bassplayin' girlfriend With the cross ties and the tits on her shirt Had to have it with a hot Seven-Up bottle or you went up the wall? Oh! Howie... What's the deal, mama? Howie, all that's true, Howie And sometimes I even dig it with a Jack-In-The-Box ring job But Howie, we are NOT, we are NOT groupies, Howie I told Robert Plant that I told Elton John I told Steve Stills Yeah And he didn't even wanna ball me I can see that... Listen, the thing is baby, I want some action, you know I'm only here for a couple of weeks, Recording at the Record Plant With that naked statue in the bathroom and stuff... I'm horny as fuck! Listen to me... I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening Kind of a smelly, slimy, many folded, Sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter Kind of a hole with a, with a, with a... Let's see, there's gotta be a way I can put this discreetly Let's say we hop in the isle over those guys And the blewin' FUCK BABY! Hey, hey, hey! I'm in this band man... I told you that many times No matter what goes on Listen! It just so happens tonight I mean, this is unbelievable Are you a Virgo No... I mean, it just so happens tonight Me and my girlfriends, well, We came here lookin' for a guy from a group Ah! But just not ANY guy from ANY group Yeah... We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a DIK Well, I can show you! But he's gotta have a dik which is a monster! (Wow!) That's me! You peeked! That's me, you little Westward wench nipple-queen! Take me, I'm yours, you hole. Fulfil my wildest dreams! Oh! Anything for you my most seductive pop star of a man. Yeah? Picture this if you can Okay, I'll try... Bead jobs Knotted nylons Bamboo canes Three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young Fighting at the Fillmore East. Oh! Two unreleased recordings of...of the Grateful Dead, Sitting in with Mel Torme Yeah! No! I... Oh! Man! Oh, I, I just... I can't stand it! Do you understand me baby? I mean, I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I can't stand it! ... I gotta see my baby! I gotta... I can't stand it!