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Joel the Lump of Coal (The Killers)

Some time ago, at Santa’s place Up in the old North Pole There lived a lump of anthracite Whose parents called him Joel Joel, Joel, the lump of coal Happy as a lump can be He just wants to keep Santa warm And make the elves cozy But Santa Claus had other plans For Joel one fateful day “Joel, you’re just the lump I need Come join me on my sleigh” Joel, Joel, the lump of coal Heart leapt up with joy “I’ll soon be Santa’s present to A lucky girl or boy We’ll laugh and play together And hold each other tight Snuggle under clean white sheets When we go to sleep at night” Then Santa’s elves all laughed at Joel “You’re in for a surprise You’re not a special Christmas gift You’re just a booby prize What kid would ever want you? You’re filthy as can be Now you have to go and live With one who’s been naughty” “But I make heat, ” poor Joel cried “And electricity” “You pollute the air With CO2 and mercury” Joel, Joel, the lump of coal Fell down upon his knees “I don’t wanna live with a naughty kid Don’t make me, Santa, please” But Santa laughed his jolly laugh “Ho, ho, you stupid lump You’re just the thing to teach this brat That Santa ain’t no chump” So off they knew and, before he knew Joel was in a sack He cried and yelled to Santa Claus “Why don’t we just go back?” And then came Christmas morning And, much to Joel’s surprise (Much to Joel’s surprise) He saw a boy with the saddest face And tears were in his eyes (Tears were in his eyes) He picked Joel up and held him And said “You can be my friend (Hey man, let’s be friends) I would’ve liked some presents but You’re what Santa chose to send (Santa chose to send) It’s true, I’ve been a naughty boy And maybe that’s a sin (Maybe that’s a sin) If this is how Santa treats the kids I’m just glad that I’m not him” Joel, Joel, the lump of coal Knew what he must do He said “Now I know the reason why I got sent to you Cause when a person hurts inside It turns him hard and cruel But I know how to make your pain Into a precious jewel So take me in your hand, young man And squeeze with all your might Let’s turn your pain and anger Into something that shines bright” Then Joel, Joel, the lump of coal He gave his life away So that one good naughty little boy Found a diamond on Christmas day