Gaston (Menken Alan)

Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! Darn right! No one says, "No" to Gaston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated! It's more than I can bear More beer? What for? Nothing helps, I'm disgraced Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd like to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon! You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on No one's been like Gaston A kingpin like Gaston No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating! My, what a guy, that Gaston! Give five, "Hurrahs!" Give twelve, "Hip hips!" Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston For there's no one as burly and brawny As you see I've got biceps to spare Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston I'm especially good at expectorating! Ten points for Gaston! When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge! My, what a guy, that Gaston! Hold Girls, girls, girls, please There's plenty for all Oh yeah No one shoots like Gaston Makes those beauts like Gaston Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating! My, what a guy, Gaston!