Sloth (Pantheist)

I risked my soul's redemption For I'm dying to know Whether annihilation awaits my soul Or into hell's fire I'll be thrown For I prefer to die knowing Whether my life makes sense Rather than live in piety Hoping that this will save me from hell Instead of those doubts inside I'd rather succumb to Your wrath Instead of this mental torment I'd rather have Your judgement The bitter taste of conscious guilt Has rendered my heart ice-cold As apathy takes over now I wish You could tell me, my Lord Why don't You answer my prayers Why are you so silent and cold? Did someone kill You as they say Or did You ignore my call? Damned and doomed, trapped in your intricate path Unable to move towards the light and find the truth before I die Once You were my shepherd Now tell me what could possibly cure me from this lethargy? Be the guide to my last fall, be the witness of my defeat Be there with me, a silent one Your Word do not need, only Your presence As I'm laying here peacefully and a cold breeze sweeps my face I can finally feel the secret of my existence And the wind drops suddenly, and the gates show me the only way Now everything is in place for the ultimate sin...