I Shall Hang Myself

Gory Blister

The ceiling of my mind is a banqueting hall
 Thousand cockroaches shift on the floor
 I had a night in which everything was revealed
 Cockroaches comprise a truth I'll never speak
 They were there, and knew my name
 Don't let me forget

 I'm sad, I feel the future is hopeless
 I'm bored, I'm guilty and I am being punished
 I've lost interest in other people
 I cannot make decisions, I can't sleep, I can't think
 I cannot love, overcome my lonelyness, my fear, my disgust
 I would like to kill myself
 In darkness!

 Four-forty-eight desparation visits, I shall speak no more
 I don't want to die
 I've become so depressed by the fact of my mortality
 I don't want to live, I don't want to die!

 I will drown in disphoria
 In the cold black pond of the self
 The pit of my immaterial mind
 How can I return to form?
 Not a life I could countenance
 They will love me for that which destroys me

 The sword in my dreams
 The dust of my thoughts
 The sickness that breeds in the folds of my mind
 Ask me why!

 I shall hang myself

 Sertraline: insomnia worsened
 Citalopram: morning tremors
 Prozac: weight loss, homicidal thoughts, believes consultant is the Antichrist
 Thorazine: slept calmer

 My body decompensates, my body flies apart
 Like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky
 How can I return to form?
 My mind is torn away by lightning
 As it flies apart from the thunder behind

 Four-forty-eight desparation visits
 I've become so depress by the fact of my mortality
 Warm darkness, which soaks my eyes, I know no sin

 The capture, the rapture, the rupture of a soul
 Validate me, witness me, see me, love me
 My final submission my final defeat
 Watch me vanish, watch me vanish, vanish
 I'm in my right mind
 I can see myself