Glass Joe's Title Fight


Bonjour! Hello!
My name is Glass Joe
I'm ze toughest French boxer zat you're ever gonna know
I'll score a TKO then drink a fine Bordeaux
And flatten all my opponents like croissant dough
I fight next week for ze champion belt
Mr. Sandman is tough, and I might need a little help
So I hired Doc, he once trained an elf
Named Little Mac so now, I believe in myself!
I'm Doc, ha!
This bitch is gonna die!
His overall record stands at 1 to 99
He's been hit in the head seventy-five too many times
Now he wants to fight Sandman?
Dear God, WHY?!
His head and his ass about to go through an estrangement
I think I'll start making all the funeral arrangements
I have to be responsible and tell him he can't win--
Here's ten bucks!
Fuck it
Let the training begin!

Whoa, whoa
I'll be the champion
I have the heart of a lion
That's really not gonna be enough
I've got the skills
No, you don't
I've got the power
Wrong again
You'll never catch me
I am like the Eiffel Tower
That doesn't move!
Whoa, whoa
I'll be the champion
I'm building an Arc of Triumph
That took, like, thirty years to build
Got my beret
My eau de toilette
I'll break the Sandman like a stale baguette
No sweat!

Now it's four weeks later
And it's time for the fight
I'm sad I gotta watch a man die tonight
Do not worry, Doc
Glass Joe is built to last!
You get winded when you open up the fridge too fast!
Your weight training diet's all wine and cheese
You've got the body of a man with an awful disease
Your arm muscles look like a deflated apple fritter
And your punching bag is filled with cotton candy and glitter
Zere's the bell!
Zanks for your help, Doc!
Yeah, see you in Hell
Zis is my moment
Vive la France
All of my training
Has led to this chance
I benched ten Q-Tips, I ran five feet
I did a half-pushup, victory will be sweet!
There's Mr. Sandman, here he comes!
But I believe in myself so I have already won!

Whoa, whoa
I'll be the Champion
I have the heart of--
Oh! Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ahh!!
Whoa, whoa
I like candy corns
Please put them in my donuts
Yo, you beat the French out of him!
I have my--
Ugh! Agh! Ough!
My favorite color is seven
No more peanuts for me, stewardess
Godzilla is my dad