God Of No More
I am Kratos, The Destroyer
I'm the harbinger of death
All of the Gods tremble before me
As they draw their final breath
In my first twelve games, I murdered every Lord the earth has seen
Now what immortal foes await me here in God of War 13?
Kratos, you are power mad!
You're evil and insane!
Your killing streak was vicious
Now only us lesser Gods remain
You slayed my father, Ares
The overlord of endless war
So now you'll face me, Chaires
The overlord of Chairs and Drawers!
Let's do this!
The world's out of control (Zeus and his clan are gone!)
Kratos killed them all
And now we're running out of Gods
The ones that we have left...
They're not the best, but they're our last line of defense
So, here comes Spermes
The God of Busting Nuts
The Mighty Twerkules
He is the Lord of Jiggly Butts
And no, not all is lost
We have Posoydon sacred God of Sushi Sauce
Don't mock me with these weaklings
I could slay with my bare hands!
I killed the God of Love, the God of Light, and the God of One-Night Stands!
I killed the God of Tweezers, Puppets, Speedos, Footballs, Skiis, and Sand
And I even ayed-slay the ittle-lay itch-bay od-gay of Pig Latin! (slayed the little bitch God)
No more of these pathetic pawns
Their blood has all been spilled
We shall unleash a champion
That's worthy of your skill
Now here he is, from distant lands
Our savior so divine
What's up, Kratos?
I'm the God of Baked Potatoes
Ow, my spine!
Holy shit there's more
He's mowing through them all
There goes the God of S'mores
And also Thumbtacks, Lamps, and Balls
Just one last God remains
Who is this mystery lord?
He shall save our domain!
I am the God of That Thing Where You're Just About To Sneeze
But Then Your Friend is All "Hey, what's up?"
And You Suddenly Freeze
But Then You Still Have That Nose Tingle
It's A Horrible Tease
And You're Like "Fuck!"
Agh, Kratos, you are such a dick!
Yes, I know