The Simple Plot Of Metal Gear Solid
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Talking Video Games.
We continue today in our series of 'Games with Simple Plots'. Guests, please introduce yourselves and tell us the plots of your games.
I'm the chef from Burgertime. I make-a the burgers.
Hello I'm Centipede. I just kinda move down the screen.
Hey, I'm Snake from Metal Gear Solid. My game's got a pretty simple story.
Snake I don't see your name on the list...
Uh, my friend Cloud Strife told me to come on this show and talk about it-
Oh God no.
It was the distant future 2005
All I wanted to do was chill out and retire
But genetically enhanced renegades named Fox Hound
Stole a bunch of nukes and had shit on lock down
Okay we're past our time limit Snake
Colonel Campbell said I had to infiltrate
Before they start a nuclear conflict
What a bunch of jerks!
You're a bag of dicks!
I climbed through an air vent and saved two guys
They shared top secrets and suddenly died
Of two heart attacks right out of thin air
Both within five minutes-
Oh my God, I don't care!
Then I met Meryl, a hot box of rocks
And I fought a gunslinger named Ocelot
But a cyborg ninja cut his hand away
You know, normal shit that happens everyday
Listen Snake, there must have been a mistake
On this show you gotta get right to the point of your game
Like the ship from Galaga
Hi, I shoot stuff in space...
And this car from Pole Position
I'm a car!
You know we've been through this before with your boy Cloud Strife
And he talked too long, I contemplated ending my life
So let's keep things nice and simple like that hero over there
From the Atari game Adventure
I'm literally just a yellow square!
I tried real hard to find a mech named Rex
When the ninja came back in the mix like Chex
It was Grey Fox then I fought Vulcan Raven
A big motherfuckin' Alaskan Shaman
I killed that guy but before he died
He said Meryl liked me, I almost cried
She's a little hottie pants, ooh meow!
It would be so great if you died right now
I killed Sniper Wolf who was absurdly hot
And then murdered three guys in an evil robot
'Til liquid Snake and I were left alone
He said I was his brother and a superior clone
Then he died of a virus
And thinking fast Meryl saved us
I don't give a frog's fat ass!
Then we stayed together 'til the seven year itch
And now you know the simple plot of Metal Gear, bitch!
Listen Snake, I've taken all I can take
Just because your game is simple doesn't mean that it's lame,
Tell him kid from Paperboy,
Yo, I deliver those papes!
And the guy from Elevator Action
Dear God, why can't I just have a simple panel of guests
Who can say their plots in 40 fuckin' minutes or less?
Now just watch me Snake before you make me reach for a gun,
I'll summarize your game and show you how this shit is really motherfucking done
How it's motherfucking done!
You sneak around and save the world. The End! My God, can I get a replacement guest with a simple plot please?
Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hearts.