You Are What You Is

Zappa Frank

Do you know what you are? 
You are what you is 
You is what you am 
(A cow don't make ham...) 
You ain't what you're not 
So see what you got 
You are what you is 
An' that's all it 'tis 

A foolish young man 
From a middle class fam'ly 
Started singin' the blues 
'Cause he thought it was manly 
Now he talks like the Kingfish 
("Saffiiiee!") 
From Amos 'n Andy 
("Holy mack'l dere...Holy mack'l 
dere!") 
He tells you that chitlins... 
Well, they taste just like candy 
He thinks that he's got 
De whole thang down 
From the Nivea Lotion 
To de Royal Crown 

Do you know what you are? 
You are what you is 
You is what you am 
(A cow don't make ham...) 
You ain't what you're not 
So see what you got 
You are what you is 
An' that's all it 'tis 

A foolish young man 
Of the Negro Persuasion 
Devoted his life 
To become a caucasian 
He stopped eating pork 
He stopped eating greens 
He traded his dashiki 
("UHURU!") 
For some Jordache Jeans 
He learned to play golf 
An' he got a good score 
Now he says to himself 
("I AIN'T NO NIGGER NO MORE...HEY! HEY! HEY!") 

"I don't understand you..." 
BWANA MA-COO-BAH 
"Would you please speak more clearly..." 
MERCEDES BAINNNNNNNZ 

Who is who 
(I don't know) 
'N what is what 
(Somethin' I just don't know...) 
'N why is this 
(Tell me now...) 
Appropriot 
(That's a funny pronunciation if'n ever 
I heard one...) 
If you don't like 
(Where'd you get that word?) 
What you has got 
(Appropriot? The word is not...) 
Drop it in the dirt 
(Drop it yeah...) 
'N let it rot 
(I can smell it now...) 
Someone else 
(Here de come, here de come...) 
Will surely come 
(I told you they was comin') 
'N pick it up 
(That's right!) 
'Cause he wants some 
(An' he wants it for free...) 
And when one day 
(There will come a day...) 
You wonder who 
(I wonder too...) 
You used to was 
(Who I was anyway...) 
'N what you do 
(I used to work at the post office...) 
You'll scratch your head 
(But I don't wanna un-do my doo...) 
'N look around 
(Just to see what's goin' on) 
But what you lost 
(Can't seem to find it...) 
Will not be found 
(A Mercedes Benz...)
Do you what you are? 
(I know...) 
You are what you is 
(I'm the kinda guy...) 
You is what you am 
(That ought to be drivin' a Mercedes Benz...) 
A cow don't make a ham 
(A four-fifty SLC...) 
You ain't what you're not 
(A big ol' red one...) 
So see what you got 
(With some golf clubs stickin' out de trunk...) 
You are what you is 
(I'm gwine down to de links on Saturday mornin'...) 
An' that's all it is 
(Gimme a five dollar bill...) 
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS 
(And an overcoat too...) 
AND THAT'S ALL IT IS 
(Robbie, take me to Greek Town...) 
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS 
(I'm harder than yer husband; harder than yer husband...) 
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS 
(I'm goin' down to White Street, y'all...) 
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS 
(Gone down to the Mudd Club, 'n work 
the wall...) 
AN THAT'S ALL IT IS 
('N work the floor 'n work the pipe 'N 
work the wall some more... 
And here we are at the Mudd Club, 
Y'all... 
I hope you enjoy yourself, cause the 
show's about 
To begin...)