November

Sadistik

Sometimes, I cant handle the cold/ 
Ill break another heart too fragile to hold/ 
Love dies, Im standing alone, 
painting false hopes is a habit Ive grown/ 
Come find, why I said I dont love you/ 
and instead I was humbled and content with the struggle/ 
That you gave me, and said that I was crazy/ 
Words became chains and love became safety/ 
I saw trust until I lost the view... 
And then I lost faith in us like I always do/ 
I refused, to complement your weakness/ 
Through all our ups and downs til I was sea-sick/
...Flashbacks I remember so well, we both held/ 
In November, when the snow fell/ 
But that changed, you were not a friend to me/
I distorted and soon I lost identity/
And when we fought and I tried to break the innocence/
You said lies, and I became a hypocrite/
You tried to hold the sadness when you grabbed tight/
(But I moved on from the shadows of our past life)/
You said you couldn't live if I ran away/
But part of me died, anyway, when I had to stay/
In a storm that I saw in groundview/
And I couldn't find the I (eye), it was all about U (you)/

Year One! I felt the dear sun/
A brand new hope before the tears come/
Year two! I see In clear view/
Ashamed of myself when I am near you/
Year three! I watch the stars fade/
Im a zombie whos walking through a heartache/
Year four! Youre forever away and the sun now shines as my memories fade/

All the feelings I have are hard to word/
I cant see the problem, my vision starts to blur/
Into an image of a violent struggle/
Of a slow suicide since the time I loved you/
Id, gladly die if youd pacify/
But you need too many things that I cant provide, so/
You looked for it inside another's arms/
Lied through ya teeth and cried that nothings wrong/
(It didn't stop) all the cryin in public/
Or telling me Im not the only guy you were fuckin!/
But I gave in to all my fears instead/
The only thing that ran more than me (were the tears you shed)
When you told me you cut inside ya flesh/
Youre depressed and youd rather die instead/
I could feel my heart tear to bits/
(The first time Ive cried ever since my parents split)/
And I knew, there was no you and I/
I kissed you goodbye, it felt like suicide/
Ob a bond that was made to sever/
When I turned my back on you and wouldn't face the weather/
And for a moment, it felt like nothing mattered/
Theres givers and theres takers, and youre just the latter/
I needed help but I got a struggle/
When I fell to pieces you couldn't solve the puzzle/
(We wept in puddles) til we were lost at sea/
(With regretful struggles) and a faded promise ring/
Your hands were full cuz you seemed to hold grudges/
While I chased both of our dreams through rosebushes, in November/

Year One! I felt the dear sun/
A brand new hope before the tears come/
Year two! I see In clear view/
Ashamed of myself when I am near you/
Year three! I watch the stars fade/
Im a zombie whos walking through a heartache/
Year four! Youre forever away and the sun now shines as my memories fade/

I couldn't think to hold a single hope/
So I pressed on my luck until my fingers broke/
Im treading steps through quicksand of past love/
To find closure from ice shoulders and hands touch/
And my mind is still plagued with the fragrances/
Of pain and bliss, and razorblades you made me grip/
When Id watch ya face with teary eyes/
And I had to cut myself so I could feel alive, but/
I found a place where the weather is much better now/
In greener pastures, where the rain is never out/
And ya face is replaced by another/
November's leaves stay, but have changed for the summer/
(and my) hope meddles (where I) go settle/
In the line that blurs from love to rose petals/
And the silence hurt, so I just followed through/
On a beaten street, never reaching peaks which I saw in you/
And now I see that you just took me for granted/
Had a diamond in the rough and you still took me for granite/
Cuz in November we gazed at sea scapes/
With each wave, symbolizing things that wed make/
Love and war we were born as keepsakes/
To underscore loves accord when peace breaks, In November/