Killing Myself to Live

Stillwell

So now I’m faced with a decision to make
I’m living a race winning with sinning and hate
Grinning with fakes in the middle a prison escape
Incarcerated by my own thoughts
Haunted with a feeling that my lifetime has grown short
It’s the beginning of the end for me until they empty me
I fear the destiny of God or the devil himself that’ll send for me
Cut to the chase of my birth, cut from the face of the earth
Cut from the grace of the church, cut through the waist till it hurts
And no one around me wants to help to restore me
Lets face it, a mans downfall makes for a better story
The media will make a mockery out of the pain in my life
And you can tune in amusement on entertainment tonight
I’ve indulged on every bad chemical and became a grand spectacle
A punch line for the whole crowd to laugh hysterical
Money trashy women and substance addictions
Trapped in a chase, trying to run from afflictions
 
Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies
Forever sever me, how could it ever be
Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy
Success was the end of me, killing myself to live
Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room
Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying
Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and
Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow
 
I’ll look for solace in some organized religion
The more my eyes witness sin, the more I despise the living
My blasphemous past, made blasphemous cash
Now it’s all stacked in the trash, my actions is rash
I’m running with the sheep, blessed are the meek
Tongues possessing my speech, blood of an extra terrestrial freak
Got my sins deleted from Gods computer
Same god that bombs intruders over other God disputers
My rock and roll money was given to the lord
And seen the priest driving and automobile he shouldn’t afford
They stood and applaud the words I couldn’t absorb
Cause the hood here and abroad, is all good and clear to maraud
I’m in a haze again, returning to my wicked ways again
Stricken from his praise and then ripping the page condemned
Stand in darkness new addiction cut my frown
Hands of darkness the Crucifixion upside down
 
Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies
Forever sever me, how could it ever be
Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy
Success was the end of me, killing myself to live
Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room
Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying
Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and
Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow
 
Rebound of obsessions, sleeping deep down in regression
Found perfection in a heap mound of dissension
If you can’t beat it join it, smoke it drink it fly off the injection
Then lie lost in depression
Man what a rush, life’s plans in a flush the grandest of the rust
Stranded, I’m standing on the cusp..
It’s so easy to do wrong so easy to spew hate
I can’t leave it and move on, believe me its too late
That’s when I’m approached by the man from the network
Said if I can maintain the madness then man I can get work
They’re gonna cut me a big check to invade my privacy
Put me on the T.V. displaying demons inside of me
Being myself is a surreal life, feels like  my shields died
Nowhere to kneel and hide, empty’s how I feel inside
All of the prayers crying I needed this
Ended a reality T.V. celebrity and died meaningless
 
Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies
Forever sever me, how could it ever be
Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jepardy
Success was the end of me, killing myself to live
Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room
Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying
Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and
Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow