Until Now

Christine Lavin

"Yes, I know I drink too much", he says 
"But it's under control
I've never picked a fight with a stranger 
I've had no accidents on the road
It doesn't interfere with my work
It eases the strain
I make more money than I ever did 
No one has ever complained" 

Until Now 
And I wonder just what your motivation is 
Until Now 
I never thought of you as one who'd meddle in my business 

He is not my boyfriend
He's not related to me 
I have known him for a long, long time
I'm worried by what I see
There's a nervous edginess that 
Only drinking smoothes 
When I question him about this, he says 
"What are you tryin' to prove?" 

Until Now 
I have thought of you as the non-judgemental type 
Now I see you've been reading too many magazines 
Believeing all that self-help hype 

He's the life of the party 
He's everybody's pal 
He used to act like he liked me 
Until Now 

Now we're waiting for the axe to fall 
The phone call that shatters the night 
Or maybe he will surprise us all
Wake up one day and see the light 

So I'm standing in the shadows 
With open eyes and closed mouth 
Knowing every day that passes 
He's farther away from drying out 

Until Now 
I was able to look the other way 
Until Now 
I could pretend that what I thought didn't matter anyway