Letter From Jeepers

Zappa Frank

Doris, get out your poison pen and take a letter. I 
have to write to Count Dracula. You know he wrote 
me a letter of that sort...

Dear Count Dracula,
I am writing to you from Cucamonga... Ha-ha!
Cucamonga? The weather is lovely. The nausea 
of noon. The wind is always blowing and the 
sun never shines. And it's rainy and damp four 
hundred days of the year.
I enjoyed the party very much. Especially the
sumptuous feast you had prepared. It was 
thrilling. From the first appetizers, the 'Chicken 
Fried Grub Worms,' on through the dessert, 
ohhhh... 'Blood Pudding!' Oh, I love 'Blood 
Pudding!' Oh, yes! It was a masterpiece of 
culinary skill.
Although I... I was worried for a moment when
you... you said the main course was... 'Fish and 
Chips.' We are not THAT plebeian in Cucamonga. 
But my fears were quickly allayed when I discov- 
ered to my delight it was 'Silverfish and Buffalo 
Chips!' Ho-ho! Oh, unique! Oh, they're so 
squirmy! Oh-ho-ho! Oh, the first one went
down easy, but the second one was greasy! 
Ho-ho-ho...!
Oh my... Oh, I'm getting carried away, because 
I... I really must apologise for getting tipsy and 
singing. But I have always wanted to be the
DEATH of the party.

Uh, when you hear the pellets drop, count ten and 
take a deep breath