I Shall Hang Myself (Gory Blister)

The ceiling of my mind is a banqueting hall Thousand cockroaches shift on the floor I had a night in which everything was revealed Cockroaches comprise a truth I'll never speak They were there, and knew my name Don't let me forget I'm sad, I feel the future is hopeless I'm bored, I'm guilty and I am being punished I've lost interest in other people I cannot make decisions, I can't sleep, I can't think I cannot love, overcome my lonelyness, my fear, my disgust I would like to kill myself In darkness! Four-forty-eight desparation visits, I shall speak no more I don't want to die I've become so depressed by the fact of my mortality I don't want to live, I don't want to die! I will drown in disphoria In the cold black pond of the self The pit of my immaterial mind How can I return to form? Not a life I could countenance They will love me for that which destroys me The sword in my dreams The dust of my thoughts The sickness that breeds in the folds of my mind Ask me why! I shall hang myself Sertraline: insomnia worsened Citalopram: morning tremors Prozac: weight loss, homicidal thoughts, believes consultant is the Antichrist Thorazine: slept calmer My body decompensates, my body flies apart Like a bird on the wing in a swollen sky How can I return to form? My mind is torn away by lightning As it flies apart from the thunder behind Four-forty-eight desparation visits I've become so depress by the fact of my mortality Warm darkness, which soaks my eyes, I know no sin The capture, the rapture, the rupture of a soul Validate me, witness me, see me, love me My final submission my final defeat Watch me vanish, watch me vanish, vanish I'm in my right mind I can see myself