Shopping Cart Of Love: The Play (Christine Lavin)

ACT ONE The note said "Darling... I hate to tell you this way, But I've run off with your Roommate, Signed - Your Fiance". I sat down and cried. What else could I do? That's when I noticed that my CarKeys were missing to, And so was my favorite sweater, And my TV And My Stereo! My whole life crumbled before my eyes. Where was I to go? I ran to the Supermarket In a blinding rage Craving foods I have not touched since I was Twelve years of age. 'Cuz not only did my man run out today My boss let me go I have been depressed before But never quite this low Yes I guess I've been depressed But ever this low? NO! And I ran up and down the aisles of the supermarket Crying and shaking and pulling things off the shelves Based solely on their carbohydrate, calorie and cholesterol count. I didn't go overboard. Just enough to get me through the night. So I threw my purchases down on the conveyer belt They rolled up to the checkout girl She looked at them She looked at me And she said... Hey Lady can't you read? The sign here says express. I'll check you out if you have got Ten items or less. But you've got 2 4 6 8 9 10 11 12 13 things right here If you want me to check you through Put three things back my dear. Well NO! I said defiantly Trying not to shake Then she said "Sweetheart, you don't need those Hostess Twinkies, You don't need that Coffee Cake And why those Famous Amos cookies Let me tell you they're grossly overpriced Put three things back Those are the rules I'm asking you real nice". But I just couldnc