"The Man Who Couldn't Cry" (Cash Johnny)

Written by Loudon Wainwright III Published by Snowden Music ASCAP Recorded Live at the Viper Room There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children will Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan Things got bad, but he couldn't cry His dog was run over, his wife up and left him And after that he got sacked from his job Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob His novel was refused, his movie was panned And his big Broadway show was a flop He got sent off to jail; you guessed it, no bail Oh, but still not a dribble or drop In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered And made to make license plates Water and bread was all he was fed But not once did a tear stain his face Doctors were called in, scientists, too Theologians were last and practically least They all agreed sure enough; this was sure no cream puff But in fact an insensitive beast He was removed from jail and placed in a place For the insensitive and the insane He played lots of chess and made lots of friends And he wept every time it would rain Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried On the forty-first day, he passed away He just dehydrated and died Well, he went up to heaven, located his dog Not only that, but he rejoined his arm Down below, all the critics, they loot it all back Cancer robbed the whore of her charm His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke The theologians were finally found out Right down to the ground, that old jail house burned down The earth suffered perpetual drought