Natural Born Loser (Argy Bargy)

I've got a wife and kids and a bit on the side A cocaine habit I just can't hide I know a lot of people but I ain't got a mate My bird's just told me her periods late I've got an education but I ain't got a clue If something goes wrong I don't know what to do I'm no good in a crisis so I just act dumb If I run out of money I go to see my mum I guess I'm a Natural Born Loser I go out at weekends but I'm always on my own When the others go clubbing I get a cab home I can't stand my job and the boss thinks I'm a joke But everyone tells me he's a really good bloke Don't talk to the wife, the kids hate me an' all They burst into tears if I pick them up from school Re-mortgaged the house to buy a flash car But what's the point of driving if you ain't going far?