Car Crash (Hotel Books)

It was problematic at best to perceive existence with a myopic lens I embedded into myself My lack of gestures limited the effectiveness of my delivery and all she begged for was deliverance Just soft, eloquent passages that provided closure. Not answers, just closure And I somehow fashioned together an array of broken glass that looked enough like a vase that it would pass And she would find a way to keep her roses watered and alive again, when deep down I was broken Prized among the lacklustre thieves immune to pain but pain by immunity She beckoned me and she lessened me because no other love would accommodate my blind fold so easily And I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing I was afraid of change, but I was afraid of not changing Then a quick flood of blood infecting my brain, dashboard you, dashboard blank slate My narrow lens no longer mattered, no longer weighed in and neither did your fear, or your insecurities, or your smile Because in three seconds fate circumvented a concrete divider, followed by seven seconds of nervous prayer, nervous cursing, nervous something As poisonous as the snake it came from the oppression presented on my God forsaken lies limited it even more Followed by seven seconds of promising myself if I survived I would stop bargaining I would stop pushing off effort in exchange for more time, I would stop neglecting civil spiritual and personal duties or promises, which ever it may be, neither seemed likely at that point Followed by two seconds, the longest two seconds I've ever experienced of lying to myself, lying to my God and lying to you The words "I love you" seemed so broken and so inaccurate and the words "I promise" seem so trite and so distant. But so foolish a passenger caught up in this accident, nothing mattered beyond the fact that I was damaged and I was hurting physically Yet somehow I found the strength to thank my God I was a survivor and that's when I heard the fate of the driver Three seconds later, closure, not answers. Just closure. Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you Lost in the wreckage as a soul ascended, I love you And every day I wish we could trade places; because you were the first person that loved me in any real way, and now I stand six feet above where you lay And if I get one thing right in this life I pray that it'll be sharing love with everybody, the same love that you shared with me. You call me down here and I hear your voice and the sound of my heart breaking and I pray to God you're still awake And I taught myself how to forget that sometimes life will try to convince you there's a such thing as regret But I found it to be a lie, the same lie I found when I looked in your eyes after it was said and done Scream hallelujah until you come alive, the devil came for our lungs but he left with our love Scream hallelujah until you come alive, I inhaled this world for so long that I tore out my lungs