Killing Myself to Live (Stillwell)

So now I’m faced with a decision to make I’m living a race winning with sinning and hate Grinning with fakes in the middle a prison escape Incarcerated by my own thoughts Haunted with a feeling that my lifetime has grown short It’s the beginning of the end for me until they empty me I fear the destiny of God or the devil himself that’ll send for me Cut to the chase of my birth, cut from the face of the earth Cut from the grace of the church, cut through the waist till it hurts And no one around me wants to help to restore me Lets face it, a mans downfall makes for a better story The media will make a mockery out of the pain in my life And you can tune in amusement on entertainment tonight I’ve indulged on every bad chemical and became a grand spectacle A punch line for the whole crowd to laugh hysterical Money trashy women and substance addictions Trapped in a chase, trying to run from afflictions Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies Forever sever me, how could it ever be Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy Success was the end of me, killing myself to live Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow I’ll look for solace in some organized religion The more my eyes witness sin, the more I despise the living My blasphemous past, made blasphemous cash Now it’s all stacked in the trash, my actions is rash I’m running with the sheep, blessed are the meek Tongues possessing my speech, blood of an extra terrestrial freak Got my sins deleted from Gods computer Same god that bombs intruders over other God disputers My rock and roll money was given to the lord And seen the priest driving and automobile he shouldn’t afford They stood and applaud the words I couldn’t absorb Cause the hood here and abroad, is all good and clear to maraud I’m in a haze again, returning to my wicked ways again Stricken from his praise and then ripping the page condemned Stand in darkness new addiction cut my frown Hands of darkness the Crucifixion upside down Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies Forever sever me, how could it ever be Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jeopardy Success was the end of me, killing myself to live Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow Rebound of obsessions, sleeping deep down in regression Found perfection in a heap mound of dissension If you can’t beat it join it, smoke it drink it fly off the injection Then lie lost in depression Man what a rush, life’s plans in a flush the grandest of the rust Stranded, I’m standing on the cusp.. It’s so easy to do wrong so easy to spew hate I can’t leave it and move on, believe me its too late That’s when I’m approached by the man from the network Said if I can maintain the madness then man I can get work They’re gonna cut me a big check to invade my privacy Put me on the T.V. displaying demons inside of me Being myself is a surreal life, feels like my shields died Nowhere to kneel and hide, empty’s how I feel inside All of the prayers crying I needed this Ended a reality T.V. celebrity and died meaningless Drug dependencies suicidal tendencies Forever sever me, how could it ever be Pretend celebrity, with their lives in jepardy Success was the end of me, killing myself to live Killing myself to live… alone in a crowded room Killing myself to live…all the voices in my head saying Killing myself to live…going through withdrawal and Killing myself to live…I swear I’ll change tomorrow