Proud Crowd-pride Cried (Ferron)

I can't call you from this place to hear you say that I'm not your kind It's a thin road before us, we're the wake left behind It's sad and I fail to see what it had to do with you and me But I guess that's like wondering what's the point to a line There must be something I wanted more than wanting your love 'cause you stood in my doorway and I studied my glove Most afraid to follow, a kingdom my stride It's so telling what won't live with hunger and pride. I thought of you often but I never could tell you the 'you' that I cherished, something hurt me so bad A few had come close, I couldn't take them in either I guess the distance between us was my love never had. And though we live separate I keep two rooms open One has you in it, the other does not And I move in the middle, unsure and protected And I trip on my rope, vaguely sensing I'm caught. A friend tried to find me and saw through to my wheel She said you're now on the bottom, it's either that or the top You can keep yourself tiny and bang on the big door Or take the space saved for the queen of the hop But you know queens have their problems too, and my size won't stay static I like to think I never was one for the hoop anyway And then that night I dreamed again of the far side of nothing And trembling with terror I chose to come back this way. In the streets or the 'after,' in the churches or in memory, The light that will guide you is the source of the flame While stumbling the back alleys in search of right action I fell and wept darkly and acknowledged your name And the door to my prison dissolved right before me But like a young fool I quick looked for a power to claim And my wailing increased with the shock of the knowledge That I often have needed something out there to blame. I give up my fisted touch, my thoughts strung like fences My totem-pole stature, body chipped to the bone I'm nobody's saviour, and nobody's mine either I hear the desert wind whisper "But neither are we alone." Sure I long to ask how you're doing, if you got to the lightness That you wanted so fiercely when we drifted that way There's no telephones ringing now, but I feel something calling me And I'm ready to go, I just need time to say Hearts are like meadows, with their weather potential With their reasons diluted by reason itself I may be shivering at the foot of this slow-giving mountain But the tiny spring flowers can look just like you And I won't ask the purpose of all of my footsteps And I won't let my eyelids cast down I am looking for something outside of forgiveness You might call it the jewel of the crown.