Apologeia (Pantheist)

O life, you seem to turn your back to me Devoid of hope, where can I go? Without divine judgement and intervention No one can live, no one can hope It is to You, my Lord that I turn now I proved myself more than once Once You've tested humanity's faith But now, I'll test Your strength O pain, so real so everlasting You break my heart and crush my soul I see no way out of this but I chose to live and suffer thee That's why my Lord, in Your eyes I'll commit One by one the seven gravest sins Until Your righteous punishment shall rid me Of every doubt about Your existence You can't escape the pain Of life's suffering But how sweet it becomes when It has a meaning This meaning I found In wrath, sin and grief How strong is my hate! It makes me feel alive